Paperplane's character from outer space's new year's resolutions....

Oi bunch of nobs, just to say that... I'm stone drunk.

YES, I stole a huge box of Chardonnay bottle in that crappy restaurant at the end of the street... Well... I feel so bad, like throwing up.

SEE HOW I SPENT MY NEW YEAR'S EVE!

I am a wasteman, spending my time watching trash TV and eating junk food. I feel so fat!

I can't even dress up anymore!

Oooch.... I think I'm in depression.

They told me it was because of all the drugs I was taking when I was in rehab.

THEY'RE PRICKS!!! THEY JUST DIDN'T GIVE ME ENOUGH DRUGS! [which are bad for your health and shouldn't be taken! Mrs P.]

I'm thinking of going back to my planet, that's only because of humans that I'm like that!!!

Francine told me I was self centered and amoral....

But I know she is mean with me just  because I disemboweled her cat last year (I had eaten a bag of cocaine, that was the only solution otherwise the drug traffickers I'm working with would have cut my balls).

I CAN'T STAND MY LIFE ANYMORE!
PEOPLE ARE SO MEAN WITH ME!

***character sobbing***

I will change, I will stop wasting my life...
THAT'S MY NEW YEAR RESOLUTION !

Oh, I forgot: that was Roger the alien.

Thanks for listening!